Celibacy can be finest phases of our life

09 FEB, 2019
by Bikash Mohanty

Someone asked me recently if I was single. “Always!” I cackled. Well, this question is thrown at me, every now and then. Fascinating! ;) I was thinking about it yesterday; after my best friend sent me few of his beautiful creations (piano recordings), together with that some mannish counsels…that I must go out often, check out my surroundings, explore the city, than sitting at home and writing blogs, in a romantic Saturday evening when snow is chucking down outside. I know he is concerned. I am lucky to have friends in my life, who make my life experience very contented.

This February 2019 marks seven years since I had any physical/intimate contact with an opposite gender (Girls, females, Women :) of course. These are the only option for me still, if we wonder). During these seven years; womenfolk who visited my home are wives/GFs of some of my close friends; who visited me only with their respective husbands/BFs or I visited them in return to attend functions and event at their place.

I was telling this to one of our senior family members, who was recently regulated by the physician to stop certain type of greasy food and reduce his level of work. He confessed to me that life is boring, when one has to live within such boundaries, with restrictions as to what to eat, what not to eat, where to go and where not to go. I altered the topic by whispering to him “Actually I didn’t tell you, but I had gained a great deal of wealth 6-7 years ago”. His face lit up instantly. He enquired, what is that, how much, how so, from where? I added; I had started to live alone because I didn’t have a choice. I had started to eat less, eat very regular food, became vegetarian, and became a teetotaller etc. in last 7 years; because neither did I have interest nor I had appetite for it. What felt like a depraved phase 7 years ago; feels like a HEAVENLY-blessing-in-disguise today. That is the great deal I have won 6-7 years ago. I still maintain these simple life-style and I am perfectly gratified within my life with whatever I have got.  Today; only thing I worry at times is about the health of some elderly family members. That’s all. My life is beautiful as it is. All my basic essentials have been take care, exquisitely. I can’t thank enough to the universe for that. There we go; you feel restricted without a choice and therefore unhappy. And here I am, I was forced myself to those restrictions with my own choice and today I feel liberated, free and satisfied. He smiled. Obviously it takes some time. This feeling didn’t land for me, on the day 1. I told him he was restricted with sugar about 15 years ago, but as a young boy, I restricted myself from sugar without a reason at that point in time. And now after 15 years, I am liberated from sugar and I don’t have any urge at all towards it. J

The pressure to be in a relationship, to have sex regularly, can be, as I discovered, overwhelming at times. To resist is an affront. Everyone without a reason feels that celibacy can be a problem, whereas I see it as a strength. And funnily; none of these two believes have any logical edge over the other. Only difference I guess is, what is depicted louder. My depictions are always calibrated, as you know. I am a Libran after all. So…

At time, I feel that I am waiting. I wanted to meet that rare person whom I could totally trust, who was as exciting as my fantasies and most importantly I can fall in love with. I was also waiting to come to terms with my emotional baggage, finish my CA/MBA studies, which have been long offloaded. Initially, I thought I would be single for a few months, but as the years went by I realised that I would be happy on my own forever. I felt frustrated at times, but it didn't make me want to have sex with just anyone. I am proud that is the case STILL. That’s an achievement for me. I have never attempted and yet I still know that I am a sexual being. Unfortunately not for any INA, MINA, DIKA, but for only a special, noble and exciting person, if it has to possible ever again …that I shall hold joint couple status. I also feel, that I have made my requirements/standards pretty tall, why not! I have nurtured myself to be able to deserve that. Kidding. Without it, it’s again those confusions, compromises, which I have no tolerance right now. Sorry, hey. J

I am perfectly happy being in my own company for the first time in my grown-up life. My senses felt truly alive and relaxed. I didn't feel lonely; I just enjoy life without the complications of having another person around me, right now. I go to the cinemas, shopping, holidays, to restaurants, take a stroll, and go to the gym; all by myself. Furthermore during these solo-activities; I notice many interesting girls but I don’t want anything to happen between us. It would have broken my dream. Yes, my dream! What is my dream?! Yes my dream; I am still a man you know, totally, that status has not changed in last 7 years.

Like; we have different type of vegetarians in the society; we have different types of marital statuses in the society these days. Irony is; these different types of statuses were popped up only in last 15-20 years. Previously; we had only one or maximum two different marital statuses, whether in west or in the eastern part of the globe. Life was simple. Now we have freedom, hence we have liberty to make it more confusing. You see! We are making progress, for the betterment of the human race. Really?

I can assure us; that this is not the final list of marital statuses. I have not gone into impotence, gayism, lesbianism etc. This is only a small subset. List can still continue endlessly. Do you really think it is an easy job to motivate ourselves to marry or marry again after a bad experience? Trust me; I don’t think a particular gender type is responsible for this confusion. Every time my parents, friends, relatives spoke to me about marriage; I asked them “Tell me, why should I. Please convince me that I shall have a better life after marriage, than what I have already today, given that we have so much of confusion with marital statuses as mentioned above” . I am still waiting for a convincible, sincere answer. 

I see; some kind of restlessness in everyone all in sudden; as if we are all trying to prove something to someone. Some are trying to prove that they are very western but it is not working. Some are trying to adopt a false accent, but failing miserably. Some are posting a lot of selfies in the social media in their bid to prove that they are very happy. Some are posting their achievements, where they eat, how they drank alcohol, their makeup, their shoes, their hair cut, their figure, their kids, their kids’accievements, their holidays, their house, their car, their cloths and god knows their toilet as well. All of them are busy trying to prove something, every day, every minute, every second. How are these useful to anyone, for the God shake ?!!! How all those postings going to solve global warming? How those useless postings going to solve all the issues we have got: Corruption, Bribary, Food shortage, Global warming, Natural calamities, Extream weather, deadly diseases (for which there is no treatment)?  We are living for others. Where are 20 years ago and before we lived for a purpose. That was the difference, hence there was peace before. Who cares about marriage right now ? I mean, genuinely of course. Very few. We discovered them rarely by chance. Purpose of marriage is now lost, in our mind. I dont need an answer. Please ask and answer yourself...:)

When I am an old man looking back on my life I lived, I will remember my time of celibacy as one of my happiest/finest phases in life. It was so important to me, and so misunderstood by society. I want people to understand that being celibate can be as nourishing and fulfilling as being in a relationship.

My relationship status became the favourite subject for discussion. Was I a gay? Was I frigid? Because I travel so much, do I have wives in each of those countries I travel and what not! But having to insist that I was happy being celibate made me uncomfortable now. I don’t even try. I just smile stupidly. Let them make out whatever they can. One has gone a step further; he said: he is hearing that I have a western born wife, which happened apparently while I am doing all these extensive travel for work around the world for last 4-5 years. I enquired where he got that. He said; a common friend told him, who apparently lives in the USA. I told him, it is not true. He insisted but that we better clarify this from the friend in the USA and because of the time-zone difference we must stay away till midnight UK time to speak to this guy in the USA. I told him politely; I must go to bed by 10:00pm and I don’t need to clarify anything, as I know it is untrue. Furthermore, even the GOD can’t prove that what you heard. Knowing that the GOD cannot prove that, if I stay awake, then I will look foolish.  I went to bed on time but he stayed awake to speak to his fiend in the USA. And he told me in the morning that the friend in the USA, apparently heard this from someone else, whom none of us in the UK knew. I laughed off. Friend of mine questioned why I was laughing. I told him, I have become more famous. So many people, all over the world are talking about me and they have interest in my personal life. It’s like those baseless gossips during transfer window of the English Premier Leagues. Pundits speculate that different players are going to join different clubs. But at the end of the transfer window, final outcomes look very different, in comparison to those early forecasts. Anyways! : )

Science tells us that touch releases oxytocin, the hormone which activates a feeling of wellbeing and relieves stress. Touch makes the emotional receptors of our brain light up; some scientists believe it can make people trust each other more. Touch makes the emotional receptors of our brain light up. I can’t remember when anyone touched me in any more than a friendly or professional way, at least in last 7 years. I’ve always felt hugely embarrassed by people on the street with signs offering “FREE HUGS”, and the idea of ‘cuddle parties’. Yet it’s a sign that many people are prepared to act on the human need for being touched. If you’re lucky enough to be in a good relationship, and wonder why this single friend is nervous to go back to a relationship status; please ask yourself when you last had any physical intimacy – not necessarily sexual.

I don’t entirely belief in American philosophy that “Happy Wife = Happy Life”. Not so blindly. Wife is happy at the cost of what? What if one has unreasonable expectations to be happy. I have seen cases. This can’t be taken so literally. They should be considered case by case basis. Every sensible soul can put effort and make some reasonable allowance for harmony in family life.

I also don’t think; gender equality is about giving concession to one type of gender endlessly; for the fact that they have been supressed for thousands of years. Equality is about the ability of both genders to work together, respectfully towards a better life, in a better world. Either it has to work like this or the very definition of equality has to change. This generation can’t be responsible for the suppression/inequality which existed for thousands of years.  It should not be a forceful choice on one gender type; rather should be a decision through acceptance, comprehension and hence willingness. That’s how it will be long-term.

Like they say; once you resign from a job, you should not reconsider your decision and stay back; - similarly one can’t make peace with the past. Past is only used for experience and knowledge. We humans are built with emotions, feelings and those in essence drive our life graph. Don’t they also say that “You are what you are thinking”? It becomes essential then we only think positive things. If past offers that, then good enough, else we only attempt for positive emotions, positive feelings; from present or future. Right? Logical.

There is no generalisation in the characterisation of marriage. Whether it is a boy or a girl or their parents or their siblings or their family members; are all different from each other. They are expected to be like that. I like pink or red colour on girls, other boys like black colour on girls; and the girls themselves like only white colour for them. What do we do? How do we solve this? Should we add this to the list above? No; we must choose based on factors, which are mutually compensating for both boy and the girl both. To ignore the conflict is one hell of a wise thing to do. That’s how it works. What’s the point in selecting an extremely contrasting option and expecting harmony out of it, at a later date?

In spite of all these discussion points; my ideal life still remains “to be in a happy relationship with one person, and my passion is fuelled just by the thought that one day this might happen”. When I don’t know, I don’t care. That’d be such an absolute (special) experience I guess, even if for a short period (hope it lasts forever); should be much heavier than combined ordinary experiences for life long. We must wait for the special/absolute experience. Because? Common! Because we are special or absolute ourselves, otherwise why would we expect? We have plenty of patience to wait. Don’t we?

My son is my biggest wealth and achievement. Any conditional attempt to separate us, is not going to work with me. God has not created an absolute experience in this world, which can entice me to stay away from my son or my parents. I exist to love for my son and take care of my parents. Whether I marry or not; this fact will remain stagnant. Just making it clear. Don’t tell me later, that I didn’t warn.

Weekend is just around the corner. For those friends in Australia, NZ, and Japan; weekend has kicked off already. Tow? Nacho phir!!! That’s what weekends are for…to relax…to eat…to rest…to dance...to talk…to love…to get love back and what not! I wish you all of that and in plenty…this weekend and always. Subham, Good Morning, Buenos Bias & Bonjour.